the words i would say

this weekend was my piano recital. every year it is a mix of dread and excitment leading up to the saturday where all the parents and friends look down on you listening to the piece you can basically play with your eyes closed. i say that because it can be scary going up in front of so many people and performing, my hands seriously shake the whole time. but afterwards is the best feeling. just knowing that youre done and played it right (hopefully), is a feeling that i cant describe. relief maybe. and i think thats part of what gets me to walk that ten feet up to that center stage baby grand piano. knowing that i will experience that feeling afterwards. of course i have learned that even if you mess up, most people dont even know. unless they have studied the sheet music, in my case rhapsody in blue. and by end, like always, i just want to stay there and play my piece over and over and over. i love it. it makes me realize how big of a part music is in my life. even as a baby, my mom said i always had to be listening to music. and that certainly hasnt changed. im always listening to something. and not only listening, but playing and singing. i love playing the piano. i can always measure how much stress i have by how much i practice. its definetly a vent for me. im a pretty quiet person, so the piano talks for me. its like we share a language, of notes. it shares my feelings, whether i am sad, lonesome, excited, worried, joyous, it speaks for me. i can play loud. or quiet. or in the middle. it listens. i think my absolute favorite thing when i play is that moment when ive memorized a song, and my mind wanders into other thoughts when im playing it, and i forget what im playing, but my hands remember and continue. and then i come back to reality and think that ive skipped a whole part of the piece. its something very hard to explain and i probably did a poor job of it. i wish i could share the gift of music with the whole world. maybe i will. someday.



this guy is my absolute favorite. i spend almost every night listening to him.