I shout for the sky, but I'm stuck on the ground.

If I had to put the past two weeks into writing, it would most likely be described as stressful, overwhelming, hectic, exciting, busy, never ending, nonstopping, and finally done. I havnt been so stressed in a very long time. but maybe is good for me. personally, i find it harder to praise and thank God, than to ask Him. When everythings good and going well, I often forget to take time and thank the Lord for everything.
i recently found a quote that I really liked, it goes something like: "What if tomorrow, God gave you everything you thanked him for today." This made me realize how much i take for granted. Seriously, I  would have so much missing in my life. But for now, that is not the case. Everything is most defintley not perfect right now. My english teacher took time before class to talk to us about how our year was going, and how we are handling stress. She asked me what sports i was doing (swimming) and if i was exhasted. I quickley replied "not really!" i lied. i am tired. i am exhasted. I have told my mom multiple times now that I could just sit and think for hours. I always have something to think about. theres so much crap going through my head its hard to focus on just one thing. even though im so overwhelmed, i kinda like it like that. I think it makes me more vulerable. but even now, my head hurts.. just from simply thinking.

blessed be this life

This week has just been the best. there has been so many oppurtunities the Lord has blessed me with. to start it off there was rockbridge last weekend. it is so hard to even begin to put that time into words. i got to have one of the best leaders in my cabin along with some old and new friends. i really revamped my faith in God there and got to see my friends do the same. nothing better. the rest of the week was sweet, i got to spead great time with my family and closest friends. saturday night i had an awesome real talk with my younglife leader. i seriously dont know what i would do without her. she so admirable just by the way she loves others. she is someone i will always look up to. then sunday afternoon i had another awesome talk with my eighth grader :) she's the best. it was so great getting to know her mind and her life. and nothing could top it off better than a hot tub party sunday night.

In church today our pastor was talking about our broken relationships. when we die, we arnt going to think about how we could have made more money or how much stuff we had. we are going to think about the people we were close to, wernt so close to, or wished we were closer to. i have broken relationships with quite a few people that i wish i could fix. if i died tomorrow i know i would regret not working things out. its hard though, i dont know where to start.  im already dreading going to school. only three more weeks till winter break. we got this.

Harder Still

I've been holding on so tight
Look at these knuckles
They've gone white
I'm fighting for who I wanna be
I'm just trying to find security

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one's who lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul
You say let it go.

I get lost in my mind

One of the greatest things i have been learning this year is how much we need relationships. Relationships with God, friends, family, strangers.. everyone. Without any relationships we would have nothing. In church today, our pastor talked about how we are ment to encourage each other. He had two soccer balls. one was filled with air and the other was deflated. When we are full, like the filled ball, we serve a purpose. But when we are empty, deflated, we are useless. To fill people up, we must encourage them. We must support them. be there for them. help them with everything, but especially their walk with the Lord. Saying that, we can also easily deflate people. The same "needle" that we use to pump others up can tear them apart, empty them. We do that by leaving them, talking bad about them, you know..all that stuff. I believe, we have all been  both the ball and the needle at one point in our lives. I know there has been times where people have made me soo discouraged, but theres also times where i feel like i have been the one to greatly encourage someone.
This year especially, the Lord has blessed me with the oppurtunity to have so many good relationships. He has really given me the confidence i needed. I recently read a letter I wrote to my wyldlife leader (now my best friend :) ) a year or two ago. I said that i really didnt feel like i could open up to alot of people. Man, has that changed. Honestly, I feel like i can talk to anyone about anything. I know that's exaggerrating a bit, but thats seriously how i feel. I love having actual deep, emotional talks with people. Its the best.

I really dont want to look back on these next four year regreting all the friendships i could have had. I want to encourage and fill up the people God have placed in my life. I want to build lasting realationships. I want to have hour long talks about life. I want to live life to the fullest.
 I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full - John 10:10

I love this :)

It's been too long

I have this feeling. Its in the deep depth of my stomach. Its almost like...emptyness. Its weird, and i hate it. I dont understand what it is. I feel like I need to love something or something to love me. I need to do something but i dont know what... this is confusing. I know God can fill that desire for love but why isnt my heart fully and truly acccepting it? I dont want to fill my life with other things. i dont. i do not. i wont. and will not. I guess this is what it feels like to struggle....

random quote of the day found on the locker room floor

"for the strength of the pack is the wolf and the strength of the wolf is the pack."

I'm a hoarder, a hoarder of love.

So, i love alot of people. i really do. but sometimes my own mind gets in the way. when you first see someone its really hard not to focus on their appearence. i mean, thats the first thing you see. i know for me, all day i am constantly looking at others and comparing them or labeling them or judging them. not judging is a huge thing i have to work on. the beginning of chapter seven of matthew is all about how we are not to judge. the bible says "do not judge, or you too will be judged. for the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." i wonder ALL the time about what people are thinking about me.and some things im sure i do not want to know. i can tell people judge me, because well, we are all people. and doesnt really bother me. theres part of me that doesnt care what people think of me. but theres also a part that does. one of my favorite verses says dont conform any longer to the pattern of this world. i have learned a lot this year about not wanting to be part of this world. ive come to accept that we are different from everyone else. and i like that. i like that a lot

I rest my weary soul in Thee

I  love young life so much. so so much. i love the people, i love the music, i loveee campaingers, i love the games, the family and the feeling of acceptance there. and club such a great place to lead people to.
 It is crazy to think about how the same God who made the the night sky made me. The same God who made the waves in the ocean, made me.  The same God who sent his son to die, for me. Sometimes i forget that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That every single thing that I dont like about myself, God loves. He loves me. He loves us. We are perfect in his eyes. That just gives me so much comfort. and that is where I rest. I rest in Him. 
I regret something that i didnt do today. Ohh how i regret it. Actually, now that i think about it, i regret a lot of things i didnt do today. but one of them is that after gym we go and sit in there. and i walked right past a girl sitting alone. ugh. why didnt i go and sit with her? i really dont know. and i am pounding myself for it.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar in wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."- Isaiah 40:31

I keep seeing this verse, or parts of this verse, everywhere. and i just realized it's kinda in the title. weird. i havnt completely figured out what this has to do with me. or what i really need to take out of it. but i like it... i like it alot.

I'm Done With Sin I've Payed My Price (clipped to polyvore.com)

mac miller quote :) (clipped to polyvore.com)

one down. soo many more to go.

start a blog. check.

just one of the many things on my bucket list. nothing else to do today, so here we go.

so many things have been going through my mind recently- loving, chasing, helping, accomplishing, maintaining, praying, rising, failing, living. crazy stuff! I was talking to one of the most amazing people about how high school is the best place for us to be. you look around and can just see all the brokeness wandering around the halls. so many kids. so many kids who have no idea who their savior is. and it is us who are called to help them. i love it. but its hard. its hard to be the one who has to step out. the one who has to be brave. its just hard. especially beinng a freshman. you arnt supposed to "look up" to freashmen, so its hard to try to be that kind of influence. but its possible. i have God. no biggie. we can do it. anyone can. anyone who has their hearts filled with the Holy Spirit. we can and we will.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12. got to love it.